Monday, June 8, 2009

Stomping out the saboteurs!

It's hard to face the facts sometimes. You never want to believe let alone imagine that the people in your life don't want what's best for you.

It's so important to stomp out the saboteurs as if they were sparks of fire before they become a full blown 4 alarm fire. I am struggling with this. I just keep thinking if I start getting rid of people who aren't what I need them to be, who will be left? It scares me. I am not looking to change anyone. I just want people to respect me and treat me the way I treat them. If I am happy be happy for me! If I am sad, offer some encouragement! I would do it for you. I don't expect anything from anyone that I am not willing to do myself.

I know how important it is for me to be healthy mind and body. Yet it's more of a struggle than I can imagine. The story of "Job" *(from the Bible)* seems to be resonating all around me. For every positive image I imagine or most importantly occurs in my life, it all seems like there are so many more negative ones trying to keep me down.

I need strength. I need not to be afraid. I need to trust in God and in myself that being brave is what is best for me. Brave in the sense that if I need to move than I move. If I need to block people from my life that it is ok to do so. That God wants me to be happy and enjoy a flourishing life not one filled with sorrow and anguish. I need strength. I need to know it's ok to be selfish.

Selfish seems like such a crude word in this sense. I am not selfish at all. I am just so tired of always trying to struggle to keep my head above the water and tired of having it always pushed back down.

I need strength and guidance. I need to resist the temptation of wanting love so bad that I am willing to put up with so much garbage. I don't deserve anything less than what I myself and willing to give. Considering I am willing to give so much so should those people who are around me.

REMINDERS:

  • I am strong.
  • I am striving towards a healthy mind and body and will achieve it.
  • I deserve good people in my life.
  • I deserve to live a life with a positive outlook and positive reinforcements around me.
  • I deserve more.
  • I am happy.
  • I am safe.
  • I am never alone even though I feel alone.
  • There are people in my life who want the best for me and I am one of them.
  • This too shall pass.
  • I deserve an abundant life.
  • I am grateful for the life I have and the lessons I learn every day.
  • I am going to keep pressing forward and let no one, MYSELF included stop me.
I am grateful for:
  • having food in my refrigerator when so many don't.
  • having a manicure and pedicure today.
  • having money to pay for the things I need.
  • Welshcakes for all the positive messages! Thank You so very very much!
  • my house still being clean! *( sad to say, I think a clean house is right up there with passionate love making)*lol

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