Looking for my angels.

The work week is finally over and all I can say is, thank God! We worked a full 5 days this week and you would have thought I was digging ditches with how tired I am. Since the economy is where it's at, we've taken a 20% reduction in our salary. The 20% equally one day off a week. However as business picks up here and there it's more like 10% because we're working 5 days every other week. These full weeks are exhausting though. You get used to have that day off and when it's gone, I'm like a kindergartner taking naps and falling asleep on the couch! *lol*

The weather isn't helping either, it's been a week of grey and gloomy and rain rain rain! When you wake up in the morning you don't know if it's night or day it's so dark. It's where you want to stay in bed and wrap the blanket around you and just snuggle and cuddle the day away. Not that I'm doing any cuddling or snuggling these days but I'm sure there is something coming soon.

You know, being in the moment is hard work. Trying not to be brought down by stress, depression and others around me all hard work. I've made a decision to stay positive and really work on being happy. I say work because I have to remind myself how easy it is to get pulled back into the abyss of sadness and feeling sorry for myself.

I'm grateful for:

• my job, because even though we've just been hit with new guidelines and numbers we have to achieve and they want us to work more and still pay us less at least I know I have a job when so many others have lost theirs.


• my home, where I can take all those needed naps and fall asleep in my bed with fresh sheets and my pillows!


• my friends, with all that's been going on, with my family and being so stressed it's so nice to be able to pick up a phone and just let it all out.


• my friend Cee because she sends a text message to me every single day, reminding me I'm loved and how I'm a great person who deserves good things in my life. they are amazing messages of love and even though at times.. i think they are corny... they are so appreciated and much needed.


• being able to express myself, whether it's here in the blog, or my paper journal or through what I call art!


• Joel Osteen for his empowering messages of faith and strength.

My post is titled "Looking for my angels", because in a reminder to myself, I am not alone. When things are troubling me when that silly voice wants me thinking I'm alone... I'm not. There are people all around me. Good people. People who care about me. People who I care about. I am surrounded by angels.

Do you believe in angels? If you do, I would love to hear about it!

Stomping out the saboteurs!

It's hard to face the facts sometimes. You never want to believe let alone imagine that the people in your life don't want what's best for you.

It's so important to stomp out the saboteurs as if they were sparks of fire before they become a full blown 4 alarm fire. I am struggling with this. I just keep thinking if I start getting rid of people who aren't what I need them to be, who will be left? It scares me. I am not looking to change anyone. I just want people to respect me and treat me the way I treat them. If I am happy be happy for me! If I am sad, offer some encouragement! I would do it for you. I don't expect anything from anyone that I am not willing to do myself.

I know how important it is for me to be healthy mind and body. Yet it's more of a struggle than I can imagine. The story of "Job" *(from the Bible)* seems to be resonating all around me. For every positive image I imagine or most importantly occurs in my life, it all seems like there are so many more negative ones trying to keep me down.

I need strength. I need not to be afraid. I need to trust in God and in myself that being brave is what is best for me. Brave in the sense that if I need to move than I move. If I need to block people from my life that it is ok to do so. That God wants me to be happy and enjoy a flourishing life not one filled with sorrow and anguish. I need strength. I need to know it's ok to be selfish.

Selfish seems like such a crude word in this sense. I am not selfish at all. I am just so tired of always trying to struggle to keep my head above the water and tired of having it always pushed back down.

I need strength and guidance. I need to resist the temptation of wanting love so bad that I am willing to put up with so much garbage. I don't deserve anything less than what I myself and willing to give. Considering I am willing to give so much so should those people who are around me.

REMINDERS:

• I am strong.
• I am striving towards a healthy mind and body and will achieve it.
• I deserve good people in my life.
• I deserve to live a life with a positive outlook and positive reinforcements around me.
• I deserve more.
• I am happy.
• I am safe.
• I am never alone even though I feel alone.
• There are people in my life who want the best for me and I am one of them.
• This too shall pass.
• I deserve an abundant life.
• I am grateful for the life I have and the lessons I learn every day.
• I am going to keep pressing forward and let no one, MYSELF included stop me.

I am grateful for:

• having food in my refrigerator when so many don't.
• having a manicure and pedicure today.
• having money to pay for the things I need.
• Welshcakes for all the positive messages! Thank You so very very much!
• my house still being clean! *( sad to say, I think a clean house is right up there with passionate love making)*lol

Gratitude

*(that's Charlie on the left and Googalicious on the right)*

Good Morning Everyone,

It's a sunny, breezy beautiful day here in New York! My kind of weather, not to hot and far from cold! Just loving it!

Life is good, I woke to find my favorite multi grain bagel and butter on my night stand*(thank you best and only brother in the world, I love you, I love you, I love you!)*, the coffee thanks to that lovely timer gadget was brewing filling the house with that indescribable warmth and thanks to the recession I am enjoying my day off. *(No I haven't lost my job, I was one of the lucky, but I am enjoying my 20% decrease in salary- hence the day off)*

Did I mention life truly is beautiful?

Every day I try and count my blessings. My Grandmother would wake every morning thanking God for a new day and for her family. My Grandmother was sweetness at it's best! Little did I know the life lesson she was teaching me than. It's so important to be grateful.

Why?

When we are grateful we focus on things that are right in our lives. We value and appreciate everything from the minor *(coffee gadget timer)* to the major *(being alive)* that can be taken for granted. Keeping a gratitude journal may seem like work, something to be forgotten about after a few entries. However you can write a master list. Instead of writing daily things we are grateful for, we keep one book, one book to jot down all the things in life we are grateful for. This way, when we're feeling less than that, or when we simply need a reminder of what's wonderful in our life, we simply pick up our "best book", curl up and enjoy. We write in that book when the mood hits us!

Reminders are great for the forgetful. With my mind constantly on go, it's important for me to remember what I am grateful for and what there is to be grateful about. Little note cards attached to the refrigerator or the bathroom mirror or just about anyway our great too and a sure fire way to add a smile to our faces. *(I already have the laugh lines~ might as well make sure I have them for every single thing that makes me smile and laugh~ put them to good use)* Plus I keep a few in my purse, you never know when during the day something hits us like a baseball bat trying to knock us down.

So some random things I am grateful for:

• my gynecologist telling me to get out there and make babies, because I can. :)


• the beautiful sunshiny weather.


• my brother, my brother, my brother.. with out you, I would be so lost!


• my morning coffee because you wake me up.


• prayer. it's like my own personal shrink in my pocket, I can tell God everything knowing he is listening to me. and it's free! and God listens and answers!


• my kitties because they were gifts from an amazing friend and bring happiness to me and smiles every single day! they are precious! too cute! my little booba's!


• my ability.