Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Angry and trying to find my faith.

I am so upset. I feel like I can't get a break in life no matter how much I know I need one. Over the weekend... I have had some weird abdominal pain, cramps. On Sunday the cramps were bad enough to make me nauseous and vomit. I thought it was something I ate. I went to work on Monday and experienced more or less the same weird abdominal cramping and nausea. So I left work early and tried to make it home on my own. One stop on the bus and I was rushing off sick to my stomach again. My brother came to pick me up and off to the hospital I went yet again!

While at the hospital the pain subsided with shots of morphine and some other heavy duty drug I can't recall the name of. Than off to the ultrasound department to find out where the pain was coming from. I get there and it's a male nurse, who even though he was the sweetest, was still a man checking out my nether regions. I am really shy when it comes to strangers nurse or not checking out my neither regions. So he gave me the ultrasound they sent me back to the ER and more blood was drawn, did I mention how much I love *(absolutely not)* needles! The cyst I knew I had, had grown from 3cm to 7 cm. Not good because anything over 5cm is strongly suggested to be removed.

I only have one ovary because the other was removed due to a similar situation with the cyst. So my dreams of having children were split to a 50% chance and now... they might be taken away from me all together. I have to have another test done and try some birth control pills to see if we can shrink the cyst so I need all the prayers I can get.

I also need to keep myself in good spirits because being stressed and negative is not what I need right now because I don't need anything that could burst the cyst. No strenuous exercise or lifting and definitely no stress. As for the pain, I have to monitor it and I've been reading on my ways to control it... like hot water bottles and chamomile teas but I'm still looking for anything that can help including diet modification and or homeopathic medicine.

I am angry. Frustrated really because I never seem to get ahead. It always feels like one thing after the other. If I'm not having a panic attack it's an asthma attack and now it's this. Plus all of life's other headaches like bills, money issues or lack there of and did I mention my non existent love life?

I've been trying to stay positive and focus on all that I am grateful for and I am very grateful. I know this could be worse... It could be the big "C". I am more than grateful that it's not. I just need to find faith and keep positive. I know this will be ok. I know I will be ok more than ok. I have to keep positive. I must.


Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Oh, I'm so sorry this has happened, M. But one step at a time... I know it's easy to say. Take the good advice about the camomile tea and so on. You know yourself that you must stay positive. Love from Simi and me xx

Oysterblogger said...

sorry to hear this. Chin up.