tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-290176992024-03-19T09:08:01.746-04:00Gratitude CafeWhere words will come together just as I do.Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04170401447671532001noreply@blogger.comBlogger39125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29017699.post-4132535420432300482010-01-03T15:45:00.002-05:002010-01-03T15:46:21.655-05:00New Blog.... Starting over please join me....NEW BLOG>>>>>>>>><br /><br /><a href="http://mygratitudecafe.blogspot.com/2010/01/where-am-i-and-what-in-world-am-i-doing.html">http://mygratitudecafe.blogspot.com/2010/01/where-am-i-and-what-in-world-am-i-doing.html</a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />not sure what's happening here... but it's not co- operating... so new it shall be!!!Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04170401447671532001noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29017699.post-20337655646897496652010-01-03T14:56:00.005-05:002010-01-03T15:19:09.126-05:00Where am i? and What in the World am I doing?<div align="center"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTQ5o3B0pnI52bpJLfoDr12SSqh1I2Ko-kkosbrc4vRWiEkrv_mAX0FR9z0gehJlYvTllTR1TMT74QcR4gs7yqG9LVPYbqIv9pnL74SoiEiLa6PRUnhUMqvAatK2KjgDMk2scPIg/s1600-h/6a00d8341d95ff53ef01156fb5fd2d970c-800wi.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5422605065333707986" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTQ5o3B0pnI52bpJLfoDr12SSqh1I2Ko-kkosbrc4vRWiEkrv_mAX0FR9z0gehJlYvTllTR1TMT74QcR4gs7yqG9LVPYbqIv9pnL74SoiEiLa6PRUnhUMqvAatK2KjgDMk2scPIg/s320/6a00d8341d95ff53ef01156fb5fd2d970c-800wi.jpg" /></a> After spending my morning with Pastor Joel <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">Osteen</span> and the entire Lakewood family, I always feel charged and ready to go. Pastor Joel is amazing, he just speaks blessings over you and recommends we all live life, ready to not only be a blessing to everyone but to be open to receive God's blessings.</div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center">I urge everyone to take a look and listen over at, </div><div align="center"><a href="http://www.joelosteen.com/Pages/Index.aspx">http://www.joelosteen.com/Pages/Index.aspx</a></div><div align="center">Just purchased my tickets, for March to see Pastor Joel and the entire Lakewood team, I am so excited I could burst!</div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center">I've been writing off and on for quite some time now. I keep a paper journal as well and little pieces of paper mostly almost everywhere of my thoughts, ideas, symptoms, you name it. Especially in my pocketbook! *(and i wonder why it weighs so much)*</div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center">This year, 2010 I plan on making my best year yet!</div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center">I'm leaving my past behind and moving on and looking forward to the future. </div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center">I've filled in my calendar with <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">plenty</span> of me time, concerts to Celtic Women and David Gray to start. I urge you to give a listen to them both as well. Totally different genres but both melodic and awe inspiring.</div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center">I have also bought some wonderful projects to play with and learn how to at Michael's Arts and Craft store. I've been wanting to learn how to knit forever and hopefully, thanks to some instructional videos, I'll be well on my way.</div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center">I am also in the process of making an "Inspiration Board". A "Inspiration board" you ask, What is that?... </div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center">Well it's where I'll:</div><div align="center"> draw,design, hot glue gun *(so excited got my first one yesterday... it's a mini and it's purple, what more could a girl want?)* , create, play mostly in pictures and in words, all the things and places I want to see myself. So of course there will be a home, a family, words and scriptures from the Bible, beautiful flowers and greenery, a healthy life style, exercise tips and how <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">to's </span>and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">plenty</span> of inspiration to keep me going! Did I mention, I bought some ribbon and my first ever hot glue gun?</div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center">I'll be posting <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">pictures</span> along the way of both my knitting projects, and my inspiration board.</div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center">If you have time... drop me a note on what you're hobbies are, what you do for <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">inspiration</span> and how do you stay creative.</div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center"> </div>Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04170401447671532001noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29017699.post-60953753953572136372009-12-20T19:26:00.003-05:002009-12-20T19:43:42.162-05:00It's been awhile...<div align="center">With the Christmas season upon me, I sit and reflect.</div><div align="center">Reflect about all the good and bad days and there has been a lot of both.</div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center">I am blessed.</div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center">I am a blessing. I am ready to be a blessing to others.</div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center">This year has been difficult, I've sat back and watched my love of life dwindle to just about nothing and I am albeit slowly very slowly starting to grow it back. Like a delicate orchid I am pruning the leaves, I am learning, I am asking for help, I am receiving it, I am making peace with myself.</div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center">I have hit rock bottom.</div><div align="center">I surviving.</div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center">Last year at this time, I was locked in my room pleading with God to take my life because I just didn't want to be here anymore and thought that those around me would be better off. The panic attacks and anxiety stripping me naked and painfully scaring every inch of me. My laughter was gone, my joy was non <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">existent</span> and yet I still went to work, I got up every morning a shell of my former self and trudged forward, step by step. All the while thinking I can't do this anymore. All the while doing it just the same.</div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center">Now I sit here, after two years of what was the worse bought of depression, days filled with suicidal <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">tendencies</span> with my house cluttered with filth now finally clean, my tree is up the lights are lit, I am off anti <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">depressant</span> medication and I am far far away from that dark place I was living in.</div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center">I still have moments, there passing transgressions now.</div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center">I am building myself back one small step at a time. </div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center">Life is not easy.</div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center">It's one small step at a time. I am learning a work in progress. </div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center">I am ready . I am promising myself to go easy to be present and to make <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">amends</span> to all including myself.</div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center">This Holiday Season... may we all take time to reflect. Love one another and yourself. Thank You God for listening to me and holding my hand through it all.</div><div align="center"> Thank you for my brother, my rock.</div><div align="center">Thank you for the inspiration of others.</div><div align="center">Thank you for never leaving me.</div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center"> </div>Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04170401447671532001noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29017699.post-64070908698329890382009-11-08T22:11:00.003-05:002009-11-08T22:33:16.602-05:00Lost and FoundAnother weekend lost... why is it that I only find it on Sunday night when I need to be getting ready for bed so I can wake up fresh and ready for work? <br /><br />I've always been one to leave things for the last minute. I do things on a whim barely taking the time to think them through and suffering the consequnces afterwards. <br /><br />It's been this way for as long as I can remember. The truth is... I've always thought of it as being a negative trait... is it though?<br /><br />I mean really I spend all this time beating myself up, hating myself for not being miss. perfect and defeating myself before I even get a chance. <br /><br />We truly are our own worst enemy. At least I know I am.<br /><br />I always think I need a change... that if i get that change I'll be the person I want to be. Like the person you are on vacation. Waking up early, getting out, enjoying the day, doing things, enjoying life and not letting the dulldrums get us down. Being the adventurer of our own destiny's and not let time pass us by.<br /><br />So what to do? Continue a life of self beratement and hatred? I think not.. otherwise it will be time to swallow the pills. Life is not worth living if you waste it.<br /><br />The thing is... I need to get my ass going! I need something... motivation.. something to get me going...<br /><br />The JUST DO IT... is good.. but I need something to remind me every second.. every minute of the day. My life is worth living, I need to JUST DO IT... No matter what it is.<br /><br />I need to stop living while on pause waiting for something to happen.<br /><br />I need to stop beating up on myself. <br /><br />I need to be positive.Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04170401447671532001noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29017699.post-19267182372450349422009-11-01T23:19:00.001-05:002009-11-02T18:36:47.672-05:00Thoughts from bed...What does it mean to be in love? Is it the constant mind wandering or the hair twirling daydreams of the one you obsess about? Is it necessary for those feelings to be returned <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">with</span> spoken word or is it <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">ok</span> to have an lustful moments <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">guide</span> you along?<br /><br />I feel like <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">i'm</span> in love. No grand <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">gesture</span> or promise was made, just the desire lying inside of me to be with that person every moment awake or not.<br /><br />Desire oh so much desire. Desire to touch to smell to breath in the same air as one another. Desire to feel kisses, caresses and bodies entwined with one another possibly constantly.<br /><br />I want to write poems about him and stories of erotic desires yet my mind can't seem to focus yet. I'm running on <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">pockets</span> of time, skipping like a stone from place to place, idea over another idea.<br /><br />Awake when I should be asleep.<br /><br />Wanting and wanting for even just a hint of him. That hint being a security blanket of assurance.<br /><br />Yet is there assurance in love?<br /><br />Is love always meant to be a mystery?<br /><br />Are we always supposed to be <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">wanting</span> more and more?<br /><br />What about trust? When does it become a given rather than a constant tickle in our mind?<br /><br />Why is it with just a word i.m transformed? How is it he makes me feel more beautiful and sexier than ever before?<br /><br />If I could reach out now... I would <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-error">grab</span> him and steal him under the covers and keep him here forever and ever. Together wrapped up in love.<br /><br /><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-error">dreamery</span>... or reality? or both??Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04170401447671532001noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29017699.post-76448389790037869332009-10-05T18:15:00.002-04:002009-10-05T18:20:06.689-04:00Something We All Need Noa and ThenThere comes a time in everyone's life where we need a little "ME" time. That selfish sliver, or day, of time where we need it to be all about "ME". I am in major need of one of those days.I am fairly certain that I have never had a day just for me in my entire life. Sure, I have done things I wanted to do. I have seen things I wanted to see.<br /><br />But, I am not talking about that kind of day. I am talking about a "ME" day where I do what I wish, as I wish and when I wish because it is what I want and it is pleasing to me.<br />I am talking about a day...of pampering<br />....where for once I don't have to worry about what's for breakfast, lunch or dinner because someone has taken care of it for me<br />....where I don't have to think about what has to be done, it just gets done<br />....where I don't have to clean because the house is already cleaned, just like magic!<br />...where I am given a massage.<br /><br />I have never had a professional massage and I think it might be time for me to get one.What I want, what everyone needs now and then, is a day where someone not only asks me, "What do you want?" But, they do so because they truly want to know. That's something that seems to rarely happen.<br /><br />I am talking about a day.<br />..where I am listened too.<br />...where you {whomever you are} really wants to know about me.<br />...where you want to know how things are with me and for me.<br />Not for your own selfish reasons.<br />...where someone else makes the morning coffee and delivers it to me while I am in bed just waking up.<br />...where someone {whomever that person may be) says hello because they like you or love you. Not because there is an ulterior motive. I am really so sick of all the ulterior motives there are in the world.<br />...where someone calls just to hear your voice.<br />...of manicures and pedicures and seaweed wraps.<br />...where all the boob tubes in the world cease to exist....where everyone sings your praises.<br /><br />I want a "Channel 13" day. When I was younger that's what Mom and I would call days spent at the museum or listening to opera or any classical music for that matter. It would be a day spent at Wave Hill. I think you are getting the picture. It would be a day of enlightenment and pleasure. Maybe some chocolate too.I am talking about a day.<br />..where you're paid compliments that aren't sarcastic snickers....where you're given a gift "just because"..<br />..where YOU are special.<br />...where the weather is perfect.<br />...where answers to your questions are provided.<br />...a day where you are not gossiped about.<br />...where you don't have to do anything and everything for yourself because there is someone there to take care of you.<br /><br />OK, I know, I am stretching things a bit far here. But run with me, will you. At times we all need a day when our heart feels only love and joy. We are wrapped up in euphoria like a cashmere blanket on a chilly night.As I am writing this just now, I am thinking this might be "me" missing my Mom and Dad. Yet not quite. I do miss them, of course. I do know that. My Mom had an uncanny way of just knowing what I needed. She knew in an instant what mood I was in at the moment I walked through the door or answered the phone. She listened with her heart and provided real, tangible love.I need people in my life that aren't selfish. Better yet, people who aren't blood suckers, sucking the life force right out of you. I need a real friend. A real member of the family.Do you ever wonder why there is so much hypocrisy in the world? I wonder all the time.It's funny how people listen half heartedly to conversations all day long. Could it be that you might actually be missing something? Don't you think you should respect that person and just listen. Maybe there in need of something; a need for a friend; a need for love.Sure, I know, you can't go around listening to everyone. There are quite a few "crazies" out there. But we all need human decency, respect and love.I need a "ME" day. What might you need?<br /><br /><br />Really, what do you need? I am listening. Really listening. As you read this page, think about what you need. Tell me.Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04170401447671532001noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29017699.post-33636950811059818212009-10-05T16:35:00.001-04:002009-10-05T16:35:43.009-04:00How to make roses from maple leaves<a href="http://haha.nu/arts/artwork/how-to-make-roses-from-maple-leaves/">How to make roses from maple leaves</a><br /><br />Shared via <a href="http://addthis.com">AddThis</a><br />Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04170401447671532001noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29017699.post-15895648706936353802009-09-07T18:05:00.003-04:002009-09-07T18:29:24.584-04:00LoveWhat is it about love that one minute you're up in the sky like a space ship and the next you're crashing to the ground like a meteor.<br /><br />Talk about riding a roller coaster or hanging ten on the gnarliest of waves. <br /><br />I'm trying to fall in love here. I'm trying to be swept away but there really isn't a magical formula is there? <br /><br />It's not about being the beauty queen or the playboy playmate they get there hearts broken too. It all about playing the game. The game which we all say we hate. The game that forces you to have nerves of steel and above all.. never letting them see you. Sure we can allow them glimpses from time to time, we have too. <br /><br />However it's the chase. The undeniable tease. A slow tango which you can reckon to a torturous death at times and scoring the idea weight on our bathroom scales. That magical number that can make us giddy as a school girl or bathed in the euphoria of the ultimate orgasm. <br /><br />How does one play? Please someone anyone hand me the instructional booklet! <br /><br />I wear my heart on my sleeve. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I take chances when I feel it's worth it and I fall in love with just a twinkle of an eye. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">Ok</span> not just a twinkle, some hot muscular strong arms, a smile that makes you want to drop your <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">panties</span> and a brain <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">that's</span> as quick as formula one race car if not faster.<br /><br />Men.. there are different species. The men I fall for anyway. The the typical bad boy, there the confidant and strong, the pure sex and there as emotional as a <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">lima</span> bean! There the one's who love sports and live for a game. They play poker and smoke cigars. There tall and the command attention. There mysterious and they have cruel intentions when it comes to love. <br /><br />What's a girl to do?<br /><br />I know I know.. go for the nice guy! Ha! I've tried and it's just not the same. There isn't the wanderlust there's no sparkle there's no passion. It's as regular as a toll clerk handing out change for a twenty. Basically it's not for me!<br /><br />So do I suffer along? Do I live the life of a nun forever?<br /><br />No! I refuse to give up!<br /><br />Walk with me....<br />I met this man. Oh his eyes alone girls.. can drop a woman's panties in a heart beat. He <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">knows</span> what he's doing too from what I can tell. He even can dance. He's sure of himself, he's affectionate but he doesn't know how to call back. He has no follow through but boy oh boy does he expect me to call him and keep calling! I'm not that girl. I don't call men. I sit back and wait for the men to call me than I get bored and move on to the next. This one.. he never calls. He tells me to call. Than he'll make a promise to call me back and he doesn't and when I call him on it.. he asks if this is the 5<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">th</span> grade? Why oh why do I fall for men like this?<br /><br />Did I mention he's tall? Lone legs and strong arms. He even has a favorite book.. yes he reads! He loves documentaries and sports! He quotes from autobiographies and he loves <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">klondike</span> bars! He loves to cuddle and ... he's never been married and he doesn't have kids. So apparently I'm not the only woman who's had trouble catching this fish but I will be the one!Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04170401447671532001noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29017699.post-61536111990793164352009-07-26T21:30:00.003-04:002009-07-26T21:42:00.198-04:00Butterflies...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiex5hKdrNLLa3JR1-Q5Tz6JtHGRRYQdSq9ZbXe9hhqxa5zOMb_jwscGgwykzB4Zoab94KCGA4MrK_-GaF4rKMNOwe2IbnCCWa8QbvdNAeqgEqCq5ru-xTTDFNtMOvkD2Umi2z4qA/s1600-h/butterflies.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5362946541731798306" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiex5hKdrNLLa3JR1-Q5Tz6JtHGRRYQdSq9ZbXe9hhqxa5zOMb_jwscGgwykzB4Zoab94KCGA4MrK_-GaF4rKMNOwe2IbnCCWa8QbvdNAeqgEqCq5ru-xTTDFNtMOvkD2Umi2z4qA/s400/butterflies.jpg" /></a> I love butterflies. I always have. Butterflies signify so much for me. Rebirth being one of them. There is something knowing you're in a cocoon and than you can shed that cocoon and manifest into something so beautiful so amazing. Rejuvenation. Amazing <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">possibilities</span>. A spiritual <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">manifestation</span> into something magical. A miracle <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">re birthing</span> from a <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">caterpillar</span>, falling asleep in a cocoon becoming a butterfly. <br /><br />I am still seeing <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">dr's</span> about my cyst. I have complete faith that everything will be okay and that I will come out of all this better than before. I think that all I've gone through is always with a meaning. That cyst reminds me of my desire to have a baby. To actually put myself out there and work on it and make it happen. Not just something I hold onto like a cross in my pocket. <br /><br />Just a quick note here to remind myself to keep positive and stay in faith. Everything will work out.Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04170401447671532001noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29017699.post-77252219833340605302009-07-15T17:46:00.003-04:002009-07-15T18:19:23.861-04:00Angry and trying to find my faith.I am so upset. I feel like I can't get a break in life no matter how much I know I need one. Over the weekend... I have had some weird abdominal pain, cramps. On Sunday the cramps were bad enough to make me nauseous and vomit. I thought it was something I ate. I went to work on Monday and experienced more or less the same weird abdominal cramping and nausea. So I left work early and tried to make it home on my own. One stop on the bus and I was rushing off sick to my stomach again. My brother came to pick me up and off to the hospital I went yet again!<br /><br />While at the hospital the pain subsided with shots of morphine and some other heavy duty drug I can't recall the name of. Than off to the ultrasound department to find out where the pain was coming from. I get there and it's a male nurse, who even though he was the sweetest, was still a man checking out my nether regions. I am really shy when it comes to strangers nurse or not checking out my neither regions. So he gave me the ultrasound they sent me back to the ER and more blood was drawn, did I mention how much I love *(absolutely not)* needles! The cyst I knew I had, had grown from 3cm to 7 cm. Not good because anything over 5cm is strongly suggested to be removed.<br /><br />I only have one ovary because the other was removed due to a similar situation with the cyst. So my dreams of having children were split to a 50% chance and now... they might be taken away from me all together. I have to have another test done and try some birth control pills to see if we can shrink the cyst so I need all the prayers I can get.<br /><br />I also need to keep myself in good spirits because being stressed and negative is not what I need right now because I don't need anything that could burst the cyst. No strenuous exercise or lifting and definitely no stress. As for the pain, I have to monitor it and I've been reading on my ways to control it... like hot water bottles and chamomile teas but I'm still looking for anything that can help including diet modification and or homeopathic medicine.<br /><br />I am angry. Frustrated really because I never seem to get ahead. It always feels like one thing after the other. If I'm not having a panic attack it's an asthma attack and now it's this. Plus all of life's other headaches like bills, money issues or lack there of and did I mention my non existent love life? <br /><br />I've been trying to stay positive and focus on all that I am grateful for and I am very grateful. I know this could be worse... It could be the big "C". I am more than grateful that it's not. I just need to find faith and keep positive. I know this will be ok. I know I will be ok more than ok. I have to keep positive. I must.Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04170401447671532001noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29017699.post-59103974700493515362009-07-12T11:53:00.001-04:002009-07-12T11:55:12.207-04:00Put humanity back on the Earth!<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/POu47LjiObE&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/POu47LjiObE&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br /><br /><br />**Empowerment**Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04170401447671532001noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29017699.post-35488024542316990342009-07-07T19:49:00.003-04:002009-07-07T20:06:48.574-04:00A lesson learned from Michael Jackson<a href="http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerIndex?id=8025171">http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerIndex?id=8025171</a><br /><br /><br />I really didn't want to join the bandwagon of thousands and talk about Michael Jackson. Today like so many I watched his Memorial Service and was reminded of the pop star I was so enthralled by as a child, a teenager and a young adult. I remember dancing and singing to his the album Thriller. In our living room we had a huge mirror and I would sing and dance in front of it always. Music was always a major part of my life and the lives of my parents. We danced when we cleaned, we sang in the car and with every note a memory was embedded into our hearts.<br /><br />I appreciated the sentiment that was spoken over and over with each and every song and speech spoken. I am not here to judge anyone. I would like to remember him for the good he did and the songs he sang and for his sentiment of caring for the children of the world. <br /><br />I think we all need love, love in our hearts, love in our minds and love always on our tongues. I think that is an amazing lesson. I think the speeches you can listen to with the link I posted speak the most absolute of truths. In my hearts desire I want to be the best person I can be. I want to give love, share love and speak love always. A humanitarian of love. A child of God. A light shining brightly sending out pure love, positivity and joy.Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04170401447671532001noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29017699.post-50227362278353555402009-07-04T15:33:00.005-04:002009-07-04T15:40:59.765-04:00Somewhere Over the RainbowI have always loved this song for as long as I can remember. I always find myself humming the song whenever I am feeling a little blue. This is a beautiful rendition of the song and I do hope you enjoy it as much as I do. You'll notice I have also changed the wording under "Girl on the Run"... "Girl on the Run" is based on a poem I've written and it's how I have always seen myself. Plus I think of it as a way to imagine myself always learning, always pressing forward not only as running as in away from my fears.<br /><br /><br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/0ltAGuuru7Q&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x402061&color2=0x9461ca"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/0ltAGuuru7Q&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x402061&color2=0x9461ca" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04170401447671532001noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29017699.post-55449393935014571212009-06-29T17:23:00.007-04:002009-06-29T18:59:51.497-04:00Finding the positivity in caos...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkJnuAxk4Wrb5bwzumQcfgbEqSh8BY7JLzD8OloZKtH30BEWKiY41aWYERgrJCYeLUPu9Wbf6R65YbwL2KStgi-mi-dygZtHGgGyf38qxNPfGX9ko5AKciKb0Ti1HlFhoesQTEUQ/s1600-h/twins+117.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5352888104907036658" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkJnuAxk4Wrb5bwzumQcfgbEqSh8BY7JLzD8OloZKtH30BEWKiY41aWYERgrJCYeLUPu9Wbf6R65YbwL2KStgi-mi-dygZtHGgGyf38qxNPfGX9ko5AKciKb0Ti1HlFhoesQTEUQ/s400/twins+117.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><div>The sun finally broke through. The rumor is it won't be staying for long but I am happy for what I can get. This weekend was pretty rough for me. I didn't leave the house and for most of it I didn't leave my bedroom. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I have a financial crisis. I am not good with money management at all. I wish I could say it's from living this lavish lifestyle but it's not. Thanks to the economy and poor choices and health expenses my savings is kaput, and I'm back living paycheck to paycheck. This is not how I want to live out my 30's. I want to move with in the next year and I'll need to save a quite a bit in order to do so. How did I get here and what do I do?</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>My faith tells me to put it in God's hands because anything is possible with him. I am making what I am making so that's pretty much solid. I need to generate more income and I need to budget the income that I am taking in. All of our pension plans and 401k plans have been frozen till the economy starts to bounce back, we hope. Yet I need to put a budget into effect and really buckle down my spending. Of course I need to pray too!</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>With no one but myself to rely on this is where it gets scary. Yet as I write this I'm reminded I am not alone. God is with me always. I need to have faith. I can do it. I can implement a savings regime and I can generate extra income and I can get debt free and I can put together more than enough money to move. I am capable of it. I know I am. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>After my finances I am also weighed down with worrying about the health of my brother and myself. I have lost some weight and I am working on losing more. I need to utilize the gym membership I'm paying for. I need to be an example for my brother. Already our eating choices have gotten better I need to just keep on my program while I am at home. It seems when I am at work or I am out for the day all my choices are perfect but than when I am home for some reason I find myself picking and eating between meals. I know it's from boredom and that boredom leads to being lazy this the poor choices. I need to work on it. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I've quit the smoking and I am really proud of myself for it. I did slip up but than I got right back on track again and proved to myself , that I can do anything I put my mind to. It helps having my brother being supportive. He really gets upset making it so much easier. I am really proud of myself for quitting. I urge all of you to find it in yourselves to get healthy.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>This weeks sermon reminded me to be a light to others. Again Pastor Joel Osteen spoke directly to my heart. I know from having panic attacks that being able to take the focus off myself and onto something else really stops the attack in its tracks and what better way to stop focusing on yourself than to think of others. Sure we need to care for ourselves. If I am not healthy I can't be there for someone else. The only problem I have is how do I protect myself from the one's that suck the life force out of you. Specifically my family. Is it ok, to really just be polite with them and build stronger bonds with my friends? Of course I am not including my brother with my other family members he's my best friend. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>How do I keep them at arms length and build stronger bonds with the people who matter most? While at the same time learn to open my heart to new people and build new friendships and lasting relationships. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>This is my year and as Pastor Joel Osteen says this is my Year of Supernatural belssings!</div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div>Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04170401447671532001noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29017699.post-62379089374852279352009-06-22T20:45:00.004-04:002009-06-22T21:07:36.793-04:00What a day! What a day!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-BtWiVGcm0UIXzs9YCY5XDZ4dw_RGCj19BSVo5R2nyzhDS84Ken6TyOhjHYXOet8ZjNFMCqZx9ouFn5PGcT4jiSqN7KAkqZysw9oRQ0oVoZFDIF7z2U4lBL8rwcLOiMmHB4AI-g/s1600-h/honeymoon-beach-heart-200lm090408.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5350323332511964898" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 150px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-BtWiVGcm0UIXzs9YCY5XDZ4dw_RGCj19BSVo5R2nyzhDS84Ken6TyOhjHYXOet8ZjNFMCqZx9ouFn5PGcT4jiSqN7KAkqZysw9oRQ0oVoZFDIF7z2U4lBL8rwcLOiMmHB4AI-g/s400/honeymoon-beach-heart-200lm090408.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>What a day! I'm grateful for it all... even almost slipping and falling in the mud. It started bright and early for me, racing for the bus at 6am holding my skirt while I ran so it wouldn't fall down, there I am approaching the bus waiting for me, and I slide in like I've hit a home run, or I am scoring a goal. Thankfully I didn't hit the ground!</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>On my way to work I listened to my "Free to Worship" cd on my ipod. Free to Worship is a collection a christian songs that give thanks and offer shelter when you need it and just make you smile. All the while trying to focus on what I learned from Pastor Joel Osteen the day before.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I got a pass at work today. I was able to spend the day in a different department where I basically get to giggle the day away. Not a bad way to get paid I tell you! I was happy. I was blessed.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>My health isn't where it should be right now. I have a disorder that causes you to be run down and just feeling blech. There's more to it but that's the gist. I'm trying some medicines to help and I'm saying my prayers. I know this will be my year of jubilee. I know that my health is being restored and my dreams are coming into fruition. I know God wants the best for me and that he will take me places I've never been. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Thank you Pastor Joel Osteen for keeping me mindful today I've what you taught me yesterday and all the days before. It is so very very appreciated. Through your teachings, I am expecting God to show up and his favors to profusely abound. I love that, profusely abound my year of freedom, restoration, abundance, health, joy, peace, anointing of ease, total victory, breakthrough, jubilee, release, increase, celebration! I receive it by faith! Amen and Amen...</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>What a way to keep positive, to have it stirring your soul. It amazes me how I feel that positivity tingling my toes working up my legs through my body and warming my heart. I feel it ...I feel it ...I feel it! I only need to have it permeate my brain like cement! This is my time to press forward. I am going to think positive. I am positive. I am going to love abundantly. I am going to forgive immensely. I am going to be. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>With love and blessings profusely,</div><br /><div>M</div>Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04170401447671532001noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29017699.post-44096030573297048272009-06-21T12:16:00.003-04:002009-06-21T12:43:49.958-04:00What an amazing way to start the day!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq_jgZGruEFXcDZCz29lKmmnnhM9GGTs_1VzbRSK8aeV608dfH7dX9CYSGRJ2arFY_mG5y05k9btNUxa_WfjR-3wTYdBXYcrqE2VlA0e4mwJAz5PT5C-f_aMFZM_nFao3F0zWLvQ/s1600-h/keep+on+the+path.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5349821904885041442" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 303px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq_jgZGruEFXcDZCz29lKmmnnhM9GGTs_1VzbRSK8aeV608dfH7dX9CYSGRJ2arFY_mG5y05k9btNUxa_WfjR-3wTYdBXYcrqE2VlA0e4mwJAz5PT5C-f_aMFZM_nFao3F0zWLvQ/s400/keep+on+the+path.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>Promising myself to stay on the positive side of the street, I try and start every Sunday with Pastor Joel <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Osteen</span>. He is amazing and just speaks right to my soul. I wish I could bottle up all positivity and keep it in my pocket. Technically speaking I do because I download his podcast every week to my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">ipod</span> but wouldn't it be great to have him as your friend. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Today Pastor Joel spoke about how not to be negative. He gives such great insight about judging others and finding the wrong in everything. He offered up two wonderful stories. The first being a couple who had participated in services at Lakewood. The couple were tattooed from head to toe and pierced as well and when they came to meet with him after the services he mentioned that at first look he had some negative thoughts. He stopped it before it started! Amazing because having judged someone by appearance I know how difficult that can be. He than opened himself up and said that the couple were really kind people and the man was a member in a metal band who told him he hadn't been to church ever till he heard Pastor Joel. That man than gave Pastor Joel a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">cd</span> and told him to play track 7 because he wrote it after hearing Pastor Joel's message. Amazing!</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Another story Pastor Joel told was about another couple. The wife while looking out her window saw her neighbor hanging her laundry to dry and quickly judged how the clothes looked so dirty. She kept telling her husband to look and asking him how they could wear clothes like that that were so dirty. The following week when the women awoke she noticed more laundry being hung up. This time the laundry was pristine immaculate even. The woman told her husband who than told his wife how he awoke bright and early and cleaned the windows! Reminding us with a great story how often when we judge others, we really are judging ourselves.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>This last story made me think so much about a conversation with my Brother that I've been having lately. I feel as if Brother Bear is always being negative towards me and putting me down. He yells at me rather than talking to me and dictates to me rather than talking to me. What is my role here? Do I speak to him the way that I want to be spoken too? Am I following the Golden Rule? </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I've been thinking about the way I talk to him and why he speaks to me the way he does. Do our conversations come from a loving place or are we taking each other for granted? Sad to say we're both taking each other for granted. Allowing myself to become lazy and quick to be <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">negatice</span>. Now I can't change my Brother Bear but I can change myself and hope that some of it rubs off. I know no one is perfect including myself. Far from it actually! </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I am a masterpiece in progress always growing and more importantly always learning.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I will:</div><br /><ul><br /><li>think before I speak.</li><br /><li>speak words of love.</li><br /><li>respect others.</li><br /><li>practice not gossiping with anyone about anything.</li><br /><li>be positive and see that glass half full.</li><br /><li>write it out.</li><br /><li>clean my own windows.</li><br /><li>remember no matter what, we are all children of God. </li><br /><li>stop being a fault finder.</li><br /><li>magnify the good.</li><br /><li>spend my time improving myself not worrying about others.</li><br /><li>be supportive.</li><br /><li>stop allowing myself to be poisoned.</li><br /><li>be grateful.</li><br /><li>make lists of positive qualities about the people in my life and focus on them. erase the negative qualities.</li></ul><div> </div><div> </div><div>Remember to wake up in positive <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">thoughts</span> and go to sleep with <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">positive</span> thoughts!</div>Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04170401447671532001noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29017699.post-85538616965903469452009-06-20T15:40:00.003-04:002009-06-20T16:21:28.415-04:00Doing something brave one step at a time... or am IWhen I saw the entry in regards to doing something brave everyday, I thought that it would be something wonderful. Something I could definitely sink my teeth into because my life has been filled with fear. I never realized it would trigger off an avalanche of feelings. It may even be the trigger for the anxiety I've been feeling. I can't prove it but it's something for me to really think about.<br /><br />This week has been interesting. I've dropped from 20mg of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">lexapro</span> down to 10mg. *(<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">lexapro</span>: is not only an anti-depressant but a drug used for the treatment of various anxiety disorders.)* agreed to go on the anti depressant in January following a really bad case of the "mean reds" and a storm of panic attacks hitting me 3 and 4 times a day. For any of you who've ever had a panic attack I empathize with you and want you to know there is help out there. <br /><br />In addition to the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Lexapro</span>, I found a series of meditation tapes from Charles Linden. The series of meditations and spoken word <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">cd's</span> have been a Godsend for me. Charles Linden offers you a way out and makes you accountable for what is going on with you. I appreciate that approach because I don't believe in using crutches. <br /><br />I can tell you it hasn't been all easy. It's a lot of work. Just allowing myself to do something that's good for me feels like a trip to the executioner. Subconsciously of course! I do believe I deserve to be healthy and happy. I do know that it's what God wants for me and I want for myself. Yet, yesterday when that attack hit me, after an entire day of fending it off as best I can, it knocked me to my knees. Thinking about that now, it's better than being knocked to the floor which is what it had done to me in the past.<br /><br />I didn't isolate myself and I did seek help other than my brother who's patience I've worn thin but yet who's always there for me no matter what. <br /><br />I would like to tell you I am anxiety free today but I am not. <br /><br />Inside I keep reminding myself that:<br /><ul><li>I am healthy.</li><li>I am safe. </li><li>I am loved.</li><li>I am loving.</li><li>I <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">deserve</span> to be happy.</li><li>This too shall pass.</li><li><em>I am letting go of the anxiety and breathing <strong>in</strong> peace and tranquility while breathing <strong>out</strong> anxiety and negative thinking.</em></li></ul><p>That last note is a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">dozie</span>. So easy to write and say but so difficult to truly process and put into effect. I am working on it. </p><ul><li><span style="color:#330033;">I am letting go of the anxiety and breathing <strong>in</strong> peace and tranquility while breathing <strong>out </strong>anxiety and negative thinking.</span></li><li><span style="color:#330033;">I am letting go of the anxiety and breathing <strong>in</strong> peace and tranquility while breathing <strong>out</strong> anxiety and negative thinking.</span></li><li><span style="color:#330033;">I am letting go of the anxiety and breathing <strong>in</strong> peace and tranquility while breathing <strong>out </strong>anxiety and negative thinking</span>.</li></ul><p>I have to keep repeating it to myself. I have to remind myself to reach for the phone, watch something that will make me laugh or completely engross myself in an activity that will allow my mind to drift away from the "not good thoughts".</p><p>I went to to see the movie ****<em><strong>Hangover</strong></em> ****this afternoon and was <em>Pee Your Pants funny</em> and <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">recommend</span> it to everyone. Having travelled to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Las</span> Vegas and fallen in love with Sin City this movie is a must see. Plus laughter is great for the soul! I can't wait for the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">DVD</span>! </p>Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04170401447671532001noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29017699.post-34816550743020889312009-06-16T17:15:00.005-04:002009-06-16T17:26:04.165-04:00Doing something brave one step at a time...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFtqR3g1MacI8qrkFUnA2QsYykBU1VbNEFkyVsc9a9wC0hbr1tHajfp-TF0InnOqY68Jq_-0VQkL8VKhBl6k_-hMLtVesnh5jAs_5NmX_Y0iRzd7KvrdBTlONh928J3F0MD7OeWw/s1600-h/meme.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5348037456143866306" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFtqR3g1MacI8qrkFUnA2QsYykBU1VbNEFkyVsc9a9wC0hbr1tHajfp-TF0InnOqY68Jq_-0VQkL8VKhBl6k_-hMLtVesnh5jAs_5NmX_Y0iRzd7KvrdBTlONh928J3F0MD7OeWw/s400/meme.jpg" border="0" /></a> In a dreamy fantasy land confrontation would never exsist. I really don't do well with confrontation. I usually hang back and just <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">disappear</span> from the situation or person. Today I am setting the record straight.<br /><br />I summed up the courage to tell a boy why I couldn't date him. Sounds like nothing... but to me... it's something I normally would never do. Normally I shut the phone and avoid avoid avoid... This time I stated clearly with out any white lies and with out being hurtful why I couldn't date this person. It took many many drafts, every time I went to write something, little white lies just kept popping up from no where. I swear it wasn't anything intentional the white lies just kept forcing themselves out of me.<br /><br />I scratched all of it out, started over and told the whole truth and nothing but the truth and I am proud of myself for doing so.<br /><br />This started the ball rolling and now I have a bunch of truths in the works. If you see me walking around with a black eye or two... *(oh lord I hope not)* just know I was being brave! Plus it was all worth it!Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04170401447671532001noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29017699.post-88069558639532392782009-06-14T20:19:00.003-04:002009-06-14T20:25:59.343-04:00"Do one thing every day that scares you."<strong><span style="font-size:130%;color:#00cccc;">"Do one thing every day that scares you."~Eleanor Roosevelt</span></strong><br /><strong><span style="font-size:130%;color:#00cccc;"></span></strong><br /><span style="font-size:85%;color:#6600cc;">I found this wonderful blog <a href="http://ravenn.blogspot.com/2007/10/be-brave-project.html">Diary of a Self Portrait</a> , not that you're all not wonderful because you are and much loved and <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">appreciated</span> too! However... </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;color:#6600cc;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;color:#6600cc;">I thought this would be a fun exercise to try out. Doing something everyday that scares me. It fits right in with living my life bravely and with out fear and full of happiness! So, I wish myself luck the widget can be found on the original blog and I will keep you all informed of my achievements!</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;color:#6600cc;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;color:#6600cc;">Life is short.... We all most live life to the fullest. Let us never forget! </span>Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04170401447671532001noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29017699.post-82747430942516297562009-06-14T08:44:00.006-04:002009-06-14T09:12:05.358-04:00Baking Banana Bread with chocolate chips O my!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTTS6nBAWYzOZV5LrIcWckULM2pxEKeP143V5Wg2BRcwNeGhr1z1NHPFpQiSZwza6v4r39OBtlFLSpuc8n6RkWuxTbnyA-4H_byfB3jZmmleLFONRgiG1U8FxrgTS1IdjS1no9gg/s1600-h/IMG_1844.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5347165622275270002" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTTS6nBAWYzOZV5LrIcWckULM2pxEKeP143V5Wg2BRcwNeGhr1z1NHPFpQiSZwza6v4r39OBtlFLSpuc8n6RkWuxTbnyA-4H_byfB3jZmmleLFONRgiG1U8FxrgTS1IdjS1no9gg/s400/IMG_1844.JPG" border="0" /></a> I'm feeling good. I've been baking for two days. Nothing major some chocolate chip cookies and some banana wheat bread with chocolate chips of course. What's so special is I know I'm feeling better because I'm baking. I haven't baked in over two years. Depression just leaves you feeling empty and not wanting to do much of anything either. The last time I baked this banana bread was when my Dad was visiting one weekend and he ate it all up! He was sneaking bits and pieces here and there till the entire cake was gone. It makes me happy just thinking about it. Knowing I made something for him *(the professional baker)* that he enjoyed so much!<br /><br />This morning I made this for me and my brother... and this time I made it with whole wheat.. we can all use more fiber and I have to say it was just delish! Like I said I'm feeling better not only in my mind, my heart but also my body. Slowly but surely all the pieces of me are coming back together.<br /><br />Thank you for allowing me to share this. The next time you make banana bread I hope it "bakes" some wonderful memories for you too!<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT0C6fM1o8g9kmQFUKDgqqf3IH7bWPWQiGoQsT8MHgor3zVQTC7gLtnvAtH4KULsm-tKdzcEBHqa35wzytYoB-hQ9JxDenLP88ktgI59NwEU3eZHXYqG5xDZ-6qX-s_nLFls-IDQ/s1600-h/IMG_1843.JPG"></a><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBcIXxyvE-K31kTxoxuErGvZvdhySa6wCb8vD0bBgdFLB5bTscAAPb1VkEEBj3Hs4l2i2Xq7fxaahwlHLeBSw6sGriltrlHGuRs9I6zq7Vlg9Ch_mHAD83aD0bGQZAbFa6lSlQ0g/s1600-h/IMG_1842.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5347163764901758146" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBcIXxyvE-K31kTxoxuErGvZvdhySa6wCb8vD0bBgdFLB5bTscAAPb1VkEEBj3Hs4l2i2Xq7fxaahwlHLeBSw6sGriltrlHGuRs9I6zq7Vlg9Ch_mHAD83aD0bGQZAbFa6lSlQ0g/s400/IMG_1842.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><div></div></div>Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04170401447671532001noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29017699.post-1844296256630648202009-06-13T08:06:00.005-04:002009-06-13T08:59:46.487-04:00Looking for my angels.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1qm0C3cxIbQoBKYxN8dwXYzOHxQcR5kadRYCNwAO3uXf_GsAIL6427ksZkUVpQRuKPaB0q90cB_LwBeL-F9-Hob4t0lk7RoL8jglvbfQCvw8CLRyLprgydVMjLLfMTg0K9x-_Uw/s1600-h/angel1234.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5346794262842516482" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 254px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1qm0C3cxIbQoBKYxN8dwXYzOHxQcR5kadRYCNwAO3uXf_GsAIL6427ksZkUVpQRuKPaB0q90cB_LwBeL-F9-Hob4t0lk7RoL8jglvbfQCvw8CLRyLprgydVMjLLfMTg0K9x-_Uw/s400/angel1234.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>The work week is finally over and all I can say is, thank God! We worked a full 5 days this week and you would have thought I was digging ditches with how tired I am. Since the economy is where it's at, we've taken a 20% reduction in our salary. The 20% equally one day off a week. However as business picks up here and there it's more like 10% because we're working 5 days every other week. These full weeks are exhausting though. You get used to have that day off and when it's gone, I'm like a kindergartner taking naps and falling asleep on the couch! *<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">lol</span>*</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>The weather isn't helping either, it's been a week of grey and gloomy and rain rain rain! When you wake up in the morning you don't know if it's night or day it's so dark. It's where you want to stay in bed and wrap the blanket around you and just snuggle and cuddle the day away. Not that I'm doing any cuddling or snuggling these days but I'm sure there is something coming soon. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>You know, being in the moment is hard work. Trying not to be brought down by stress, depression and others around me all hard work. I've made a decision to stay positive and really work on being happy. I say work because I have to remind myself how easy it is to get pulled back into the abyss of sadness and feeling sorry for myself.</div><br /><div></div><br /><p><strong><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">I'm</span> grateful for:</strong></p><br /><ul><br /><li>my job, because even though we've just been hit with new guidelines and numbers we have to achieve and they want us to work more and still pay us less at least I know I have a job when so many others have lost theirs.</li><br /><li>my home, where I can take all those needed naps and fall asleep in my bed with fresh sheets and my pillows!</li><br /><li>my friends, with all that's been going on, with my family and being so stressed it's so nice to be able to pick up a phone and just let it all out.</li><br /><li>my friend <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Cee</span> because she sends a text message to me every single day, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">reminding</span> me I'm loved and how I'm a great person who <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">deserves</span> good things in my life. they are amazing messages of love and even though at times.. i think they are corny... they are so appreciated and much needed.</li><br /><li>being able to express myself, whether it's here in the blog, or my paper journal or through what I call art!</li><br /><li>Joel <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Osteen</span> for his empowering messages of faith and strength. </li></ul><br /><p></p><br /><p>My post is titled "Looking for my angels", because in a reminder to myself, I am not alone. When things are troubling me when that silly voice wants me thinking <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">I'm</span> alone... I'm not. There are people all around me. Good people. People who care about me. People who I care about. I am surrounded by angels. </p><p>Do you believe in angels? If you do, I would love to hear about it!</p>Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04170401447671532001noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29017699.post-15238355366433370202009-06-11T18:48:00.005-04:002009-06-11T20:31:56.514-04:00Wounded....<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv2NGjLToIeSeG4FvUZ26X_Ua8dHqZXPCHLp1vz0Jg3HKcH58TyqQPbPAoCbR7cVOQYiKzdffJS7Tp2Mtwqc-5_wAY5ovbWUc7IKOha_v-l_sSVksRl-1bVX5dE-s9iaydvRQNlQ/s1600-h/proverbs-33_1172_1680x1050.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5346230968424398354" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 250px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv2NGjLToIeSeG4FvUZ26X_Ua8dHqZXPCHLp1vz0Jg3HKcH58TyqQPbPAoCbR7cVOQYiKzdffJS7Tp2Mtwqc-5_wAY5ovbWUc7IKOha_v-l_sSVksRl-1bVX5dE-s9iaydvRQNlQ/s400/proverbs-33_1172_1680x1050.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>Why is it, that the right choices can be some of the most difficult?</div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div>The other night I received another frantic call from my cousin. She called <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">complaining</span> about her life again. That's really all she seems to do and I guess I am her sounding board. I am a good listener. I actually listen and I care when people in my life are hurt, maybe too much. She called crying telling me she wants to give her babies up. That she can't take it anymore that her older daughter is *( a slew of four letter words / to sum it up)* the worse. Hold on...</div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div>I know it's hard being a single Mom. I may not have an actual child of my own but I've raised my brother and I've taken care of her daughter to the best of my ability. You don't give your children away and you don't call your child names that aren't even meant for an animal. This I do know. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Long story short, she asked me to talk to her eldest daughter because at 20 she's looking for LOVE in all the wrong places. She's trying to find the love she misses from her absentee waist of life father and her in another world mother. She does this by going from boy to boy to boy. Sure I remember what it was like to be 20 and I too had a fresh mouth when it came to my Mother but I would never have the audacity to not only sneak a boy into my house but make him stay for the last 3 days either. Yes I do know it's her Mother's concern not mine. Her Mother like I said, has lost it basically and is so wrapped up in her own self pity she can't see past her own nose!</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>So she gets on the phone and we talk. I tell her what I see and she tells me what I don't. I remind her I too was 20 and not that long ago, where upon she reminds me that I'm not married nor do I have children of my own so how do I know what I'm talking about?</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>My heart broken and the tears falling from my eyes like a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">hurricane</span> I tell her I'm done. I tell her I never want to talk to her again. That's she is disrespectful and has no idea about me and my life and decisions I have made.</div><br /><br />Keeping on the Path:<br /><ul><li>I am lovable.</li><li>I am loved.</li><li>I am desirable.</li><li>I am wanted.</li><li>I am happy.</li><li>I am healthy.</li><li>I am smart.</li><li>I am kind.</li><li>I am a Mother waiting to happen.</li><li>I am a Wife waiting to wed.</li><li>I am capable of anything.</li><li>I am..</li><li>I am strong.<br /></li></ul><br /><br /><br />Yes I am single and Yes I do not have any children... However.. that doesn't make me any less of a person. The words wounded me. I've been hurting about them for the last few days. I know I shouldn't let it bother me but it does. I've made choices in my life and lots of sacrifices that have gotten me where I am. Yet even now I feel like I am making excuses to myself. I feel like I'm not worth loving and that is why I'm single.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />I also no that's not true, yet that little voice inside of me is <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">screaming</span> the opposite. Why is it so hard to hear the negative and so much work to believe the positive?<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Wounded! Yet finding my inner strength and learning to take care of me. When people are in our lives and there soul function is bringing us down or doing strictly for them it's time to let them go. It's time to tell that little angry, mean voice inside of me to go away!Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04170401447671532001noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29017699.post-74324752813376966412009-06-08T22:48:00.004-04:002009-06-08T23:18:06.970-04:00Stomping out the saboteurs!It's hard to face the facts sometimes. You never want to believe let alone imagine that the people in your life don't want what's best for you. <br /><br />It's so important to stomp out the saboteurs as if they were sparks of fire before they become a full blown 4 alarm fire. I am struggling with this. I just keep thinking if I start getting rid of people who aren't what I need them to be, who will be left? It scares me. I am not looking to change anyone. I just want people to respect me and treat me the way I treat them. If I am happy be happy for me! If I am sad, offer some encouragement! I would do it for you. I don't expect anything from anyone that I am not willing to do myself.<br /><br />I know how important it is for me to be healthy mind and body. Yet it's more of a struggle than I can imagine. The story of "Job" *(from the Bible)* seems to be resonating all around me. For every positive image I imagine or most importantly occurs in my life, it all seems like there are so many more negative ones trying to keep me down.<br /><br />I need strength. I need not to be afraid. I need to trust in God and in myself that being brave is what is best for me. Brave in the sense that if I need to move than I move. If I need to block people from my life that it is <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">ok</span> to do so. That God wants me to be happy and enjoy a flourishing life not one filled with sorrow and anguish. I need strength. I need to know it's <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">ok</span> to be selfish.<br /><br />Selfish seems like such a crude word in this sense. I am not selfish at all. I am just so tired of always trying to struggle to keep my head above the water and tired of having it always pushed back down.<br /><br />I need strength and guidance. I need to resist the temptation of wanting love so bad that I am willing to put up with so much garbage. I don't deserve anything less than what I myself and willing to give. Considering I am willing to give so much so should those people who are around me.<br /><br /><p><strong>REMINDERS:</strong></p><ul><li>I am strong.</li><li>I am striving towards a healthy mind and body and will achieve it.</li><li>I deserve good people in my life.</li><li>I deserve to live a life with a positive outlook and positive reinforcements around me.</li><li>I deserve more.</li><li>I am happy.</li><li>I am safe.</li><li>I am never alone even though I feel alone.</li><li>There are people in my life who want the best for me and I am one of them.</li><li>This too shall pass.</li><li>I deserve an abundant life.</li><li>I am grateful for the life I have and the lessons I learn every day.</li><li>I am going to keep pressing forward and let no one, MYSELF included stop me.</li></ul><strong>I am grateful for:</strong><br /><ul><li>having food in my refrigerator when so many don't.</li><li>having a manicure and pedicure today.</li><li>having money to pay for the things I need.</li><li><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Welshcakes</span> for all the positive messages! Thank You so very very much!</li><li>my house still being clean! *( sad to say, I think a clean house is right up there with passionate love making)*<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">lol</span></li></ul>Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04170401447671532001noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29017699.post-78573319077454870592009-06-07T18:13:00.002-04:002009-06-07T18:46:06.947-04:00What are you eating or what's eating you?<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTeoZvhcD1toXQ3yNbBvjte1OVwN_FZ9JdHtwLVV2lMnczvi8zzkHWrxhO98ykYco_0DVG3gCaD_k5lRQ1aHlUN4q6_QWi5VVgYti565jCtrEkgAluXyatIjBeOw0gIsHQeImSpw/s1600-h/happy.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5344720132497793666" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 259px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTeoZvhcD1toXQ3yNbBvjte1OVwN_FZ9JdHtwLVV2lMnczvi8zzkHWrxhO98ykYco_0DVG3gCaD_k5lRQ1aHlUN4q6_QWi5VVgYti565jCtrEkgAluXyatIjBeOw0gIsHQeImSpw/s400/happy.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>I'm a bit peeved. Why you ask? *(<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">lol</span> ~ or not)* Well I have someone in my life that has a way of sucking any and all life energy out of me. I am sure we all do but what do you do when you can't tell them to take a hike? </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Let me explain. My family has dwindled down to barely nothing over the years. The life sucker well I do love her and I do want her in my life but she makes it very hard. I am trying to live in the moment. I am trying to find all things positive in life and really work at being happy. I have had more than my fair share of tears. Enough already!</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I need positivity in my life. Struggling through bouts of suicidal thoughts, severe depression *(i just want to stay in my bed with the covers pulled up sadness and never leave)*, panic attacks, the loss of both my parents and cutting I really am ready to finally be happy.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>No this person wasn't there for me when I needed her in the sense to listen and offer a shoulder. She wasn't there when I cut myself and called the suicide <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">hot line</span> in the middle of the night hoping to just have someone not only listen but understand and she isn't the one who calls me and asks me if I'm <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">ok</span> on the anniversary days or anything to have to do with my parents. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>She's there for me when she wants to go out and needs a partner in crime. She is there for me when her daughters need me. She is there for me when she needs me to do something for her. She is there for me when she feels it necessary to tell me that I am no longer fun because of all the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">meds</span> I was on and that I stopped smoking and didn't care to drink and because the ordinary would set me off into a panic attack and when the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">meds</span> and <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">meditation</span> and trips to the emergency room didn't stop them the cutting did.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Why is she in my life? I don't have many female friends less family members. I can count on one hand minus three fingers. Sometimes you need a girlfriend. A friend. Someone just to listen. Sure you want someone <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">compassionate</span> and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">understanding</span> and positive but sometimes you have to take what you can get too. Don't you?</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Anyway my personal favorite as of late, she feels that because *(she's a single mom, @ 42 <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">impregnated</span> by a stranger more or less after raising a 20 year old with the help of the village myself included)* her Mom has left to go back home, I am the go to girl for the twins. Don't get me wrong, I love the twins. I am not there Mother and I don't want to be. I don't want to spend all my time off and my hours after work taking care of them so she can get a break. She didn't ask me, she told me. She doesn't even appreciate it. Unless you're giving money to help it doesn't count and even than, you're only as good as your last gift. Did I mention she choose her childhood friend who lives <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">overseas</span> and is not in the girls lives to be the Godparent? <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Ok</span>.. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I feel good getting this out of me. I don't know what I am going to do because our entire relationship is based on me being passive <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">aggressive</span> because really, what do I say? Asking her if she is F~<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">ing</span> out of her mind just doesn't seem to be the right thing to do. Or is it? I just don't know what to say or do?</div><br /><div></div><br /><div><strong><em>Things I am happy about today: :)</em></strong></div><br /><div></div><br /><ul><br /><li>my house being absolutely clean</li><br /><li>not having to cook *yeah take out*</li><br /><li>my friend surprising me with a visit this morning </li><br /><li>my headache finally going away</li><br /><li>the sun actually shining after a week of rain</li><br /><li>my other friend giving me my favorite perfume *<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">Hermes</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">le</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">jardin</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">de</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">Mediterranean</span>* because I said it's my favorite</li><br /><li>going out <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">Friday</span> night and actually having fun even though I felt a wee bit nervous because the people who invited me I don't know all that well and my friend coming with me so I wasn't alone</li><br /><li>making my co-workers happy on <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">Friday</span> with a box of munchkins...just because </li><br /><li>my brother cleaning the bathroom *(<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">ick</span>!)*</li><br /><li>and the possibility of a possibility!</li></ul><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div>Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04170401447671532001noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29017699.post-19517674462991242422009-06-03T21:12:00.006-04:002009-06-03T21:38:21.963-04:00*Meme Q & A*<a name="2811312204541250095"></a>**Copied and Pasted from <a href="http://onmyway2work.blogspot.com/">Lucia</a> ***<br /><a name="5441431679740419194"></a><br /><strong>1. Started a blog<br />2. Slept under the stars<br /></strong>3. Played in a band<br />4. Visited Hawaii<br />5. Watched a meteor shower<br /><strong>6. Given more than you can afford to charity<br />7. Been to Disneyland/world</strong><br />8. Climbed a mountain<br />9. Held a praying mantis<br /><strong>10. Sang a solo<br /></strong>11. Bungee jumped<br />12. Visited Paris<br /><strong>13. Watched a lightning storm at sea</strong><br /><strong>14. Taught yourself an art from scratch<br /></strong>15. Adopted a child<br />16. Had food poisoning<br />17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty<br /><strong>18. Grown your own vegetables</strong><br />19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France<br /><strong>20. Slept on an over train<br />21. Had a pillow fight</strong><br />22. Hitch hiked<br /><strong>23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill</strong><br />24. Built a snow fort<br /><strong>25. Held a lamb</strong><br />26. Gone skinny dipping<br />27. Run a Marathon<br />28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice<br />29. Seen a total eclipse<br /><strong>30. Watched a sunrise or sunset</strong><br />31. Hit a home run<br /><strong>32. Been on a cruise </strong><br /><strong>33. Seen Niagara Falls in person<br />34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (YES<> **me too**<br />35. Seen an Amish community **love it here**<br />36. Taught yourself a new language<br /></strong>37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied<strong><br /></strong>38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person<br />39. Gone rock climbing<br />40. Seen Michelangelo’s David<strong><br />41. Sung karaoke<br /></strong>42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt<strong><br />43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant<br /></strong>44. Visited Africa<br /><strong>45. Walked on a beach by moonlight<br />46. Been transported in an ambulance<br />47. Had your portrait painted<br /></strong>48. Gone deep sea fishing<br />49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person<br />50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris<br /><strong>51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling<br />52. Kissed in the rain<br />53. Played in the mud<br />54. Gone to a drive-in theater<br /></strong>55. Been in a movie<br />56. Visited the Great Wall of China<br /><strong>57. Started a business<br />58. Taken a martial arts class<br /></strong>59. Visited Russia<br /><strong>60. Served at a soup kitchen<br />61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies<br />62. Gone whale watching<br />63. Gotten flowers for no reason<br /></strong>64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma<br /><strong>65. Gone sky diving<br /></strong>66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp<br /><strong>67. Bounced a check **oops**<br /></strong>68. Flown in a helicopter<br /><strong>69. Saved a favorite childhood toy<br />70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial<br />71. Eaten Caviar<br /></strong>72. Pieced a quilt<strong><br />73. Stood in Times Square **just about evry day ~ work just a hop skip and a jump away!*<br /></strong>74. Toured the Everglades<br /><strong>75. Been fired from a job **and re hired by same job next day**<br /></strong>76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London<br /><strong>77. Broken a bone **my arm in 2 places rollerskating in a monastery**<br />78. Been on a speeding motorcycle and Vespa<br />79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person<br /></strong>80. Published a book<br />81. Visited the Vatican<br /><strong>82. Bought a brand new car<br /></strong>83. Walked in Jerusalem<br /><strong>84. Had your picture in the newspaper<br />85. Read the entire Bible<br />86. Visited the White House<br /></strong>87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating<strong> </strong>**sweet Jesus no never and please don't let me have too**<strong><br />88. Had chickenpox<br /></strong>89. Saved someone’s life<br /><strong>90. Sat on a jury<br />91. Met someone famous **(So far, Antonio Banderas, Melanie Griffith, Posh Spice, David Beckham, Jon Bon Jovi, Ritchie Sambora, Matt Dillion, The late Heath Ledger, Roger Moore, Chaka Khan, Spike Lee... )** there are more but I can't think**<br />92. Joined a book club<br />93. Lost a loved one<br /></strong>94. Had a baby<strong><br /></strong>95. Seen the Alamo in person<br />96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake<br /><strong>97. Been involved in a law suit<br />98. Owned a cell phone<br />99. Crossed the Equator<br /></strong>100. Seen the Southern Cross<br /><strong>101. Been Whitewater rafting<br />102. Held someones hand right while they died.<br />103. Seen a ghost<br />104. Had your heart broken<br />105. Seen the Rolling Stones<br />106. Seen Madonna in concert<br /></strong>107. Seen the Northern Lights<br /><strong>108. Secretly been in love with somebody (yes yes yes) ***Ditto***<br /></strong>Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04170401447671532001noreply@blogger.com4